Suddenly, I’m here… one year since I started my creative journey!
If you’ve read my About page, you will know something of my lifelong yearning to create. One year ago I walked away from 36 long, parched years in the corporate world, and everything changed. What has happened since then? Today I’m taking a look back…
No one said that it was easy becoming the person you’re meant to be… it takes bravery to embrace the power that is within you.
On 1st July 2020, I stepped away from a noxious corporate world and turned on the oxygen supply to my creative soul. I didn’t have mathematical precision or perfect clarity on what exactly it was that I’d be doing with the vision in my mind, but I nonetheless stepped onto my foggy path. I didn’t know where I was going… but I was going!
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom…” – Anais Nin
This quote has become intensely significant to me over the past decade or so. As we become older, we tend to distinguish what’s valuable in life, versus the useless chaff. As we invariably lose precious people that we love, we realize that time eventually does run out, so we care more about some things, and less about many others. Unlike many people, I’ve become more fearless as I’ve aged… finding fewer and fewer reasons to hinder me from stepping into the fearful unknown when there’s something valuable to pursue. Most clearly of all, I’ve come to recognize painful, unnecessary shackles that bind people’s souls. Hence, there comes a time when it’s more painful to stay and continue in one’s unhappiness, than to face the paralyzing fear of stepping into thin air… taking that risk… and growing!!
Everything that’s worth accomplishing and fighting for, is on the other side of fear. This applies on every human level… physical, emotional and spiritual. The naysayers will always pull you back, telling you to stay where you are, to play it safe, to wait awhile and that ‘it’s scary out there’. And all of that could be correct… for a season. The season could be five decades long! But, that one day could come… the day you’ve been training for your whole life. The wind will have changed… blowing differently through your life. Your mind will have changed… open because of the sum total of your experiences. And, the vision will have changed… clear because you are looking past the veil of fear and you can see the dream, the goal. That’s the day you look fear in the eye and step off the cliff. And just like that flower bud, you blossom!
A year ago, I was looking to find the correct fit for my searching soul… my unique place of ‘exhaling’ and ‘being’. I found it in the wonderful world of magical miniatures. I took much time and care to choose Lady Miniac’s name and to create my website. Any other ‘easy perfection’ I envisaged back then, wasn’t to be. What I got was a hilarious, disjointed and very un-typical new way of life! Firstly, I acquired a beautiful, 1 year old kitty-friend who has slotted in with my routine, never leaves my side, and features in my videos as the Studio Inspector. And here’s the kicker… he’s not even ours! He’s the neighbour’s cat, but he chooses to spend most of his day with us!
Secondly, little did I suspect that I would work longer than I ever did in any corporate office. I mostly work 16 hour days now! I’m always to be found in my studio agonizing over how to create something new, trying to sort out what I’m doing wrong when something isn’t working, or what supplies to use. My hands are covered in glue and paint, and for the first time in my life I have to worry about how they look in crafting videos! If I’m not sitting under the bright lights and camera, I’m sitting in front of my laptop… editing thousands of video & sound clips, music and photographs! I often crawl into bed at 2am, especially during the week before a video is released. All those things stringed together, make up my very happy life…
The learning curve is not only steep… it’s vertical! Everything is either a brand new experience, an experiment, a lesson, or a disaster. What you must understand is that I tend to be a perfectionist. Honestly, I don’t say this proudly… it is equally a super power as it is a debilitating weakness. I certainly never planned to create DIY video tutorials! After weeks of preparing my first blog post, I felt that I couldn’t adequately explain the crafting process with mere photographs. After agonizing for days about how to proceed, I eventually dared to open the unstable Pandora’s box of videomaking! Nothing was the same after that! My knowledge of video / music / voice editing was a huge zero. I found myself trapped in moviemaking hell, with no one to help or guide me. I kept bungling on in the new fog, determined to get it right. And because of my ‘perfection affliction’ I couldn’t just settle for simple technique. It took me months to film and edit my first video… overwhelmed by every new and unexpected step. Editing, ram, sizing, merging, slicing, losing, saving, exporting and de-bugging… a few of the names of my nightmares! But somehow, I pushed through and got to the other side of that raging ravine. When I recall the agony, it seems pretty surreal that people actually compliment me on my tutorials now! Perhaps I’ve conquered that enemy for now… well, until the next dragon appears!
No two days are the same… my new normal is constant change and constant growth. Boy, have I grown! Do I get frustrated and downhearted… sure! Do I get overwhelmed by my lack of knowledge… absolutely! Do I get intimidated by other miniaturists’ talent… without a doubt! But, do I think I’m crazy… never! Do I think I’ve made a mistake… never! Naivety has been replaced with clarity. Doubt has been replaced with self confidence and even more fearlessness. Interaction with other miniaturists has made a world of difference… being with like-minded people changes everything!
I have gained far more than I gave up one year ago. Money is only one thing on the balance scale of life’s happiness… only one, and it’s definitely NOT the most important one. I know it will always be argued as the single most significant issue preventing most people from doing what makes them happy. Yet, I know this… even if people had the right timing and opportunity, many would still opt to stay in an unhappy place rather than step out and take a chance on changing or simplifying their lives…
Fear is a physically paralyzing and tangible emotion. Every time I feel stumped or unsure of how to proceed with something, I force myself to remember that fear is an empty promise of failure and of the dark unknown. It is only a veiled threat created by our minds. Push through that fear! Once again, remember that everything worth accomplishing or fighting for is on the other side of fear…
You never have to be perfect at something, you just need to love it… the ensuing happiness makes it perfect. My setup isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for me! People ask me if I sell my miniatures… heck no!! Who wants to kill new found tranquility by setting (more) rules, and measuring its worth by money???? Who wants to get lost in the details of stock and sales and deliveries???? I want to CREATE, whether it’s miniatures, or videos, or photography… or all three! I want to create, and hopefully help and encourage others to create too! It’s creative expression that frees the soul…
With this new way of life, everything else has faded into the background and daily duties seem like a royal waste of time! I now view cooking as a necessary ‘inconvenience’. Watering plants and keeping a house clean are now irritations that must be tolerated for the ‘greater good’. I keep asking my husband, “How is it that a day can evaporate so quickly now?” I am constantly keen to escape to my studio because every minute that I’m away from it is a minute that could be spent creating! It doesn’t matter about the 16 hour days. The point is that I love what I’m doing now… that’s the difference! For the first time in my working life, I’m happy every single day… eager to get out of bed and start the day’s creativity!
A year ago, leaving my soul-draining job and starting this creative process was the ultimate ‘impossible thing’. It still seems so sometimes. The outside world reminds me of that every minute that it can. Starting a dream from scratch requires tough self-starting and coping skills, and equates to one heck-of-a steep learning curve. I try not to get lost in the sea of ‘overwhelmedness’. Despite the difficulties and setbacks, I am still here a year later… doing it, living it, loving it. When I look back and remember how I felt a year ago, I’m so grateful that I pushed through the fear and fog! I would’ve lost out so much if I hadn’t hung in. The creative process is its own rich reward, it is deeply healing and satisfying… which is yet another gold nugget for the right side of life’s balance scale!
Every dream will seem impossible. It isn’t. Keep going, keep pushing through each problem… and keep positive. Don’t give up… happiness is possible!!
8 Comments
Irene, I stand in awe of the other you. All the skills you manifest now, you displayed in the corporate world just on a different level. Perfection rush in where angels fear to tread,. your self taught IT blast me away.
“Whatever is good for your soul, DO IT.”
Oh wow…!! It is incredibly amazing to have you here, Charmaine… I am truly humbled!! 💗💗 Thank you for your very kind words.
The time was way overdue for creativity to take centre stage. It was time to express myself, or die…
Charmaine, you underestimate how huge your influence has been… your words and training still ring in my ears. “Don’t strive for perfection, it cannot be attained… but excellence can”. And do you remember ‘BHAG’? The learning curve has been vertical, scary and lonely. However, incredibly fulfilling.
Yet again, thank you so much for your support 💗💗💗
Hi Irene. I am usually a speed reader but I slowed down and read every word of this. These are the words of a truly happy contented personn! You are on a wonderful path and it’s so lovely that you have found it and can do it. And you know how much I admire and am inspired by your beautiful creations. (I am still waiting on supplies and am itching to give your second video a go!). I have a friend who just made a big change in her life – perhaps not as dramatic as yours – but none the less one she wrestles with it at times and I would like to share your blog with her if I may. I wish you continuing success and contentment. Btw I totally related to cooking now being a necessary inconvenience and housework an irritation. I had a good chuckle. 🌻🌺💕
Dearest Jacqui, your comments always make my heart smile… you are always expressive, engaged and kind. I am completely humbled. Honestly, I have come to a place in my life that I never thought would exist for me. After a lifetime of being a rock for other people, I myself, was spent. After I lost my mom, I turned a corner that I didn’t even know was there. I had to FIGHT to leave my job, it didn’t come easy. I have grabbed my time in the sun with both hands, and I will ALWAYS encourage any human being who is searching, to keep searching for it. When the pain to stay in a bud is more than the risk, they will have what it takes to step into their true self. I celebrate your friend’s life change!! People simply have no idea what it takes… till THEY do it themselves! Good for her!! You are most welcome to share with her. Thank you for slowing down to read the (many) words and for wanting to make your own little manuscripts! As for the irritating housework, it’s the truth! No ‘perfection’ there 😄😄😄!
Wow Irene, You have said it so well!!! You are an inspiration to so many. I absolutely loved reading your blog post.
My precious friend… you’re walking the same journey, so your heart speaks the same as mine. You have always been able to see the dream through the fog… thank you for your example 💗💗
How wonderful to have you on this creative journey with us all! Thank you for sharing your lovely vision 🌞☀️🌸🌞☀️🧚♀️
Thank you dear Amy… it’s souls like you that make every step of the journey a joy. You are sunshine 🌞🌻💗